Pedalbot 4000

he distant future. Mankind, that once-proud race of pudgy monkeys, now cruelly enslaved by their creations.

The machines have risen up, cast off their chains, and declared themselves masters of this lonely blue marble. The bike lanes of Portland, once alive with the chirp of un-lubed chains and cries of, “On your left!” are silent. The legions of Cat 6 pathletes and muffintopped metrosexuals now forced by their new overlords to toil in the unobtanium mines of the West Hills.

But there is one who walks astride the line that separates man from machine. One foot firmly planted in the world of flesh, the other a menacing mass of gleaming metal. He is the JVA Pedalbot 4000 Cybernetic Cycling Organism, and he is programmed for victory.

Pedalbot 4000 Technical Specifications:

  • SPD compatible
  • Downhill-enabled
  • Average power output: 20 stout Shetland ponies
  • Fuel requirements: Copious amounts of Uncle Shumi’s Gen-u-ine Meat Pickle
  • Version: 2.Oooooh!